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At the end of this month, I’ll be 30.

Naturally, it’s brought a period of reflection as to where this decade of my life has taken me, and where my path has taken me in new directions.

While reflecting, I found an old note saved in my iCloud with a list of ‘Things to do before you turn 30’. Not quite a 30 before 30, but it made me realise how few of these milestones are of importance to me now, and how much I have done with this time that is far more beneficial to my career, wellbeing and personal life.

Things to do before you turn 30 (written by Rebekah aged 22)

• Learn to drive
• Learn to surf
• Become a Director in Policy
• Find your person
• Have a child
• Buy a house
• Learn Spanish properly
• Live abroad
• Get a dog
• Run a marathon

Now, I do have a dog, had a few surfing and kite surfing lessons, speak Spanish to an advanced level (certainly better than a decade ago), and in a relationship with a wonderful person. But, the rest, wasn’t important for my growth and health in this timeline.

In fact, soon after this list was written, I entered the most difficult period of my life. By 27, I didn’t think I would live to 30. I’d changed careers, entered into and left an abusive relationship, moved several times including leaving London, survived a global pandemic, and re-evaluated what was important.

There’s been pressure on people in their 20s to have it all figured out for generations. My grandparents’ generation with families, gender roles and careers defined for them in this decade. My parents’ allowed more freedom and equality but still undeniable pressure to perform within societal boundaries. My generation, Millennials, with ever-increasing scrutiny on our presence in the world, what we stand for, how we act, and our changing world views and experiences documented for the world to see (I understand the irony of you reading that last line in a blog post I’m willingly sharing). And I see it happening ten-fold to those younger than me on this journey.

Similarly, I see hundreds of stories from as far back as I research on how this pressure is false. How true happiness lies within ourselves and no external accolade, job title, promotion, family milestone, wealth or status can solve the human need to achieve or, truthfully, be seen.

What I learned about this decade is your 20s are really about finding out who you are. They’re about making mistakes and taking risks. They’re about letting go of what you think you should do, and leaning into what you want and need to do.

So, I’ve decided to share my Top 30 before 30 highlights looking back (in no particular order), with an open heart and mind for what the next decade will teach me:

1. I got therapy – this process has been long and still ongoing, but working to heal my past has helped me understand who I am today
2. I got sober – after much research in my 20s, I accepted my addictions and got help, entering a new decade clean and sober
3. I fell in love – opened my heart to other people, learned from my mistakes and discovered how I could receive love and give love
4. I switched careers – I didn’t stay on the corporate ladder I had set-out for myself when I was at university, I listened to my gut, taught myself a new skill, tried different roles, and built my career based on who I am, not what I’m told I should do
5. I became a career coach – driven by my experiences and want to support others, I became a certified career coach and launched Pathways Collective to help people find their path and build their businesses with balance
6. I travelled, a lot – in my early 20s I spent all my money on traveling, fitting in short weekend trips across Europe where I could. I did an unpaid internship in Vietnam. Later, I took a global role that required traveling and underestimated how much it would impact who I am today. If there’s one thing I urge you to explore in early ages is travel as much as possible, work in different settings and cultures, learn from lands far from your own
7. I bought an espresso machine – actually, I’ve had three, but you (and your bank account) will thank me later for this one
8. I left London – my home city, I never thought I’d leave for a long time, but one I couldn’t see myself living in again. I listened to how I’d changed and what I needed from my life and didn’t let old views stop me from trying something new
9. I failed, a lot – failed relationships, failed interviews, failed project impacts, failed assessments, failed exams, failed friendships, failed driving test, I’ve failed a lot, but nothing has taught me more about myself than those failures. Namely, to not be afraid of them. They happen to everyone, and you’ll survive (even thrive) because of them
10. I did get a dog – would be remiss not to say this was an absolute highlight of my 20s, and very happy Ronnie remains for my 30s, and believe me, bulldog puppy ownership will teach you a lot about yourself
11. I shared my life in the open – from early days posting my career journey on Twitter, to creating this site, to my growing presence on LinkedIn and Instagram, to public talks and podcasts… it’s fair to say this decade has been a lot more public and open than I thought, but a process I’ve grown to love and thrive in
12. I built communities – through sharing in the open I found community in unexpected places, on the internet with developers, at work with colleagues and leaders, with strangers in my local neighbourhood, with people online struggling with their mental health, all united by our common humanness and want for connection
13. I’ve tried a lot of sports – I joined basketball teams, learned to skate again, fell in love with spinning, had tennis lessons, ran many races (and injured myself in the process), learned to kayak, surf and kitesurf (admittedly, not amazingly), swam miles, started and stopped many rounds of daily yoga practice, joined the Pilates hype, and all the PT, gym memberships and classes I could squeeze; all to say move your body, it doesn’t matter what you do, but it’ll help you to start early
14. I’ve had very variable fashion sense and styles, only to land back to my emo teenage routes confidently again (fashion really is full circle)
15. I stopped eating meat – initially driven by health challenges, and now a commitment towards climate change and my love of animals, I think this one will stick
16. I became a Buddhist – I’ve tried all and nothing when it comes to spirituality and religion. It’s been a rollercoaster, but this particular path has given me fulfilment, serenity and clarity I lean into today
17. Meditation is a way of life for me now. Undoubtedly related to the above, but understanding meditation as a tool to deeply know yourself and connect with others has been life changing in my 20s
18. I learned to apologise, properly, and take ownership of my mistakes and harms
19. I got tattoos that have helped me feel more me, love my body and express myself in ways I always wanted to
20. I stopped weighing myself (unless medically necessary and in a clinical setting)
21. I stopped smoking – I’ll wrestle full nicotine withdrawal soon
22. I became a specialist in my field – from changing careers and learning in the open to talking at the largest summits in the world and building cloud strategies for developers, I became a specialist in a field I’m extremely proud to be a part of
23. I took breaks and holidays – I learned this the hard way, but planning holidays, rest periods and breaks between jobs is vital. We are not made to work, and I firmly believe that while I value my career, I can only show up for it if I am happy and healthy – which means taking a step back from time to time
24. I reconnected with family and old friends – relationships are challenging and I don’t think anyone has this sorted, but I learned how important family is to me in this decade, and people came back into my life I thought I’d never see again. Leave your heart open to forgiveness, healing, connection and growth
25. I witnessed my sister’s wedding – I might not be wed, but my sister is to a wonderful person I’m proud to call my brother-in-law. A definite top 30 moment for me
26. Mejoré mi español – conseguí un tutor y traté de hablar con amigos latinos en su primer idioma, no en el mío
27. I quadrupled my income – life isn’t about money, but as someone who started this decade with deep financial insecurity, I am proud I’m not in that place as I leave it
28. I read over 100 books – as a teenager who lived in books and student of politics, I actually thought it’d be impossible to read more than I did as a teen, but alas, I’ve read a lot more and will continue to for the rest of my life
29. I live by gratitude – everyday, I reflect on what I’m grateful for, and if you told 20 year-old me that’d be how you end each day, she wouldn’t believe you, but without gratitude, none of the above would’ve worked out for me
30. I learned to love myself, and hold myself accountable when I’m changing for the wrong reasons – don’t let anyone tell you how to live your life, how to dress, talk, show up in the world – own who you are fearlessly, unashamedly and lovingly.

Here’s to the next 10!